Episode 8: The Cloud of Fear

 So, I’d get the text from Emma.

“I don’t feel good.”

“It’s too hot in class.”

“I want to go home.”

If I’m to be perfectly honest, I’m not at all clear on what to do about this. 

Some of you may ask, “Should she even be texting during school hours?”

My answer:  try and stop her. We (and I just mean Emma & me) don’t live in a world where immediate access to parents and children is severed.  Just being honest here, but the days when I grew up and my parents (might) hear from me during mealtimes and at dark are over.  I’m not sure it’s better now, but I’m convinced it’s different. It’s how she grows up.

So, the instant access has its clear results:  Emma knows exactly what I’ll say to her request, mainly because she’ll get it within the half hour.  She also knows that I’m ok with saying no.  When it comes to school attendance, neither Sunday nor I are very strict.  But…I’m definitely the ‘no’ parent when it comes to leaving school early. 

She could get my voice to her, almost immediately. And, mostly, I was telling her to stay there, try more, keep showing up.

But Emma struggled.  For some reason, she could not shake the fear, the anxiety.  Being in school—even surrounded by friends—didn’t lower the simmer of her emotions.

And, well, I wasn’t much help.

Stop being afraid.

Don’t let your palms sweat.

Or don’t let your heart beat that fast.

Why is your mouth so dry?

Just concentrate. 

The strange thing to me, though, is that Emma loves people.  Loves being around people, loves having a good time.  She’s the party girl, remember?  So, why this fear?  Why now?

If you haven’t paid attention, the adults around Emma weren’t doing too hot, either.  

Serious things were happening. 

And that’s just a short list of things adults couldn’t deal with in a healthy way, much less my daughter.

As you can tell, I wasn’t much help. Beyond “stop it” or “suck it up and deal,” I didn’t have much to offer.

So, we found someone.  Emma needed healing. She needed courage—the kind that isn’t found.  She needed courage that she could develop, so she could live courageously.

I, for one, didn’t have what it took to lead her out of her fear, to show her the way. 

But then we called Victoria.